Aussie Men & Our Lack of Dating Effort in 2024: What is going on?
Why is the internet angry at Australia’s ‘Low Effort’ Dating Culture
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Australia is enviously known as the laid-back country. However, there’s one area we may be too laid back in which is not earning the world’s love, rather literally. It appears Aussie men have a reputation of low effort dating.
What is low effort dating?
Low effort dating can be defined by a lack of initiating catch ups, showing interest, or maintaining conversations. 83% of people believe the Australian dating landscape is one where low effort is the norm.
The world has taken notice of our dating culture, with tourists, and celebrities wanting answers on social media.
Well, my fellow Aussie men, the internet has spoken and we are getting called out for our dating habits! ! But is it a fair critique? Let’s look at introductions, dating apps and dating as a process and see what’s going on.
The Introductions - a cold approach
Let’s start at the beginning, with an introduction. The problem here is we don’t do them, or seemingly don’t know how!
A culture shock noticed by women primed to be swept off their feet on a night out is that the said sweeping never comes. Not even a bad attempt with a cheesy pickup line wanders their way. American TikTokers say they go home feeling defeated, with no men offering drinks, just sitting back, and waiting for women to approach them.
Celebrities and their families hoping they will meet a charming Australian boy aren’t spared either. Harry Connick Jr’s daughters mention that while they have fallen in love with Sydney and relocated, they can’t say the same about the men. “This is our message; you can approach us, and we like to be approached”.
Even our local women find a nice change of pace in dating when travelling. The stark contrast of confidence to men in New York showed one woman how little game we have back home. “Men from overseas just seem to walk up and flirt whereas Aussie men come off as scared”.
Well, it would seem we aren’t doing too well while men overseas are outcharming us in the approach department. Why is this?
From the male perspective, there is also a fear of approaching women more than ever. Men enter a risk-averse state when approaching women out in groups of four to six, which affects the approach rate. Let’s face it, the most confident man would sweat at that audience for his possible rejection.
Those points aside, all the viral uploads have a point addressing our cold approach game, so what can we do to improve it?
It can start with qualifying interest in observing subtle cues. Spotting prolonged eye contact, and open body language could signal her interest for you to go for it. Just make sure if it is not the case to respectfully agree, dust yourself off and try again.
‘But what if i get rejected?’
The fear of rejection affects more than half of us. If / when the rejection hits, question your inner critic and it will build resilience. This will make you comfortable with the uncomfortable of asking someone out by repeating it. To borrow a quote from Scott Galloway, “nothing wonderful is going to happen unless you take an uncomfortable risk”
As for the rest, let it flow naturally and don’t resort to any pick-up artistry as women are well over that cliché.
Dating Apps - do dating apps actually work for guys?
With dating apps doing the introductions for us, we must be putting the effort in there right . . . right?
At a glance, we have a reputation for profiles full of gym selfies, fish selfies, mullets, and all claim to be in open relationships. While I will argue the mullet is an Australian icon, surely, we have more originality than these complaints?
It appears we do on TikTok, coming in six categories for your dating convenience: The preppy Melbourne guy, the Gold Coast guy, surfers, tradies, bogans, and the tattooed moustache guy.
Conversationally, our skills online are as casual as they come in the eyes of women. Usually, our opening line is a “Hey” with some slight banter thrown in before we tend to fizzle out. Not to mention should any hint of serious dating goals get brought up we run for the hills.
Interestingly, there is good that comes with the bad of our performance. Which is, when we do apps right, we crush it with a dash of Australian charm!
With dating apps examined during and after COVID-19 due to their increased usage, a study revealed a new “Aussie-bloke” archetype. Traits such as curiosity, authenticity, vulnerability, and the ability to laugh had women considering a one-way trip down under.
Women know these men exist but to the extent of having to wade through endless fishing pictures. Noting that when they match and experience a bit of fun, honest intentions, and appropriate feelings, it is a breath of fresh air.
It would appear then, that we aren’t inherently bad at dating apps, but it may be a numbers issue.
Let’s up those good profile numbers in a few ways:
Break the categories: I am envious of my tradie mates as they have some impressive skills. But they are more than their profession, so your dating profile should reflect that.
Avoid the cliches: I am sure you have some great gym and fish selfies! But, given those pics are not helping right now, try testing out some new ones. Not sure if they’re hitting? Phone a friend and show your photos to a mate. Or if you want third party feedback Photo Feeler allows you to upload pics for dating and gives great advice.
Authentically communicate: Want a serious relationship or casual fun? Have feelings changed? Nothing wrong there but best to be upfront and let a conversation flow.
The Dating - why are first dates so awkward?
We leave the best for last and that is the dating part, whoops I meant to say just “hanging out”.
While there is no right or wrong way to date,Australian men have a reputation for not initiating anything close to one. We instead ask to “hang”, “chill”, or go to the pub . . .a lot! While a schnitty deal is great, I don’t think a first date would enjoy watching my impending food coma take hold from one.
This ‘just chilling’ approach has women feeling “they are in the trenches” with dating not being a thing anymore. Hooking up appears to be what we do until no one leaves and you are a couple by default.
Those women more well-travelled point out we lack any sense of romanticism and that when a real date happens, it is confusing. Admittedly, this is something as a guy I have noticed and oddly benefitted from.
I had a first date in a dimly lit hidden Circular Quay bar after work. As the drinks arrived my date, wearing a black dress leaned over and asked, “Is this a date?” I confusingly replied, “Is it not”? She said she had usually been asked to meet but not date. Given all I had done was find a restaurant with a nice ambience and make a booking, I had to ask what the usual expectation was. She replied, “Oh Adam, the bar is in hell on that expectation”.
It is here I have to say our reputation is both fair and not fair. It is not fair that our love of casual dates is the issue, but fair in our casual attitude towards them with no effort.
Not long ago we were celebrated as the guys who were the kings at beach dates, surfing lessons, and beer gardens. All casual dates yes, but done rather romantically and with intent. We made it obvious in our effort by saying “I’m interested in pursuing you” and that is what people want to see return.
Tackling this part is more of a process than just an answer, as no guy wants to have a bad dating reputation. Just maybe we need to plan both those romantic drinks and a beach session, leaning both into what we do well and need to do better.
