Top 3 Dating Ins for 2024
New year new me…our ins for this year
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New Year’s ins & outs, we all make them! Or at least we see someone else’s trending list, pick one on there and say to ourselves “hell yeah I am doing that”. In a way, they have become our new resolutions.
We crowdsourced dating ins from the Humpday community. As 2024’s ‘trial’ months come to an end, we wanted to document them and give you dating tips to help you keep track with the ins, while the outs stay in 2023!
Putting myself out there (Increasing Effort & Intention vs Anxiety)
Perhaps in 2023 you put a half-hearted effort into dating. Or, you may be recently single and nervous about getting back into the dating game. Maybe on NYE you said “This is the year I put myself out there more”.
Before we download Tinder for a record time, let’s pause and ask what does putting yourself out there mean? Simply, it is a process that involves checking in with yourself about why you are dating, showing intent, prioritising dating, and overcoming setback anxiety.
Let’s break down that process
Check in with yourself - why you are dating?
It could be for a short-term romance, a long-term relationship, or just playing the casual approach until you figure it out. For the former, there is power in aiming for partners with set criteria,quickly aligning on life goals and overall compatibility. As for the casual approach, that gives you a different journey. It will let you explore the people you are comfortable dating, and let you slowly practice integrating dating back into your routine.
Showing Intent
We have all passively “gone with the flow” dating-wise, this is where showing intent comes in. This part of the process is where you communicate your expectations. This may involve setting boundaries around communication, or what deal breakers are. Once that is set and respected, you can focus on being in the moment and enjoying dates, rather than analysing them.
Prioritising Dating
I promise this one won’t involve an excessive spreadsheet or scheduled calendar, this is more about being yourself, and being selective. Chances are you’ll connect with multiple people at once, and those connections will grow very differently. You need to prioritise which person you give more time to. The second step comes in breaking the comfort of being single when life gets busy. Pushing ourselves to set a time with the date that is going well, even when we don’t feel like it. Like a lot of things in life, you literally only get out, what you put in.
Overcoming setback anxiety
This is a big one! Whether it’s anxiety within ourselves or because of dating, it happens to the best (and most) of us. For general anxiety when dating we often form catastrophic thinking. This means we can exagerate certain feelings - like thinking we overshare, getting rejected, or that a good date was a disaster.
To counter this we can practice self-disclosure with our dates. Sharing our thinking can help foster a deeper connection. As for anxiety because of dating, there’s no quick fix - we will have bad or just awful dates. This can prompt a scarcity mindset of no one being out there or wanting to take another break from dating altogether. When this happens, remember that these outcomes do not define us, and instead redirect us toward better dates.
2. IRL dating making a comeback
You could argue dating apps worked too well in 2023, with a majority of Aussies having multiple accounts. However, we appear to have fallen out of love with them, viewing them passively as things single people do with a less-than-desired experience.
In 2024 what’s old is new again, with daters opting for meeting people IRL with singles and speed dating events surging. It isn’t just in singles events people are finding love at either. Common interest groups like running clubs are becoming modern-day dating success stories.
How do we then open ourselves up to make the most of IRL dating without apps? Firstly, with the rise of speed dating events, it’s easier to find multiple events to attend and brush up on the cold approach skills. Us Aussies don’t have a big “pickup” culture as other countries. This means it’s better to bond over a shared interest or topic before going for that cheesy line or phone number out the gate. Easier said than done, but going in with lower expectations will help you relax and lean into your confidence.
Lastly, lean into your friend groups more or broader social circles. The “friend zone” isn’t what it once was, according to a recent study examining how relationships started claims two-thirds started as friends.
3. Pursuing Two-Way Relationships
You were roughly a month or two into dating someone last year and it dawned on you, “Hmm I have organised most dates”. Perhaps they know all your friends and they just haven’t gotten around to introducing you to theirs? You may be in a one-sided situation where the relationship lacks balance or reciprocity from your partner.
Leaving one-sided relationships in 2023, what can we do to foster a two-way dating relationship for 2024?
Emotional availability
The first is knowing if you are on your way to establishing one. If freshly dating, gauge your date’s emotional availability. If one is emotionally unavailable, they will have trouble getting emotionally close, such as avoiding certain topics or appearing standoffish. If this appears on dates two or three, they may not be ready.
Understanding how we give and receive love
Things may not always be that clear when dating becomes a one-sided situation down the road. For example, love languages which we covered here play a part in the perception of effort. You may prefer acts of service and your date words of affirmation. But what happens when we love others in our love language, and not theirs? Being on the lookout for gestures or gifts, when the effort is put into words, puts up blinders to the efforts shown.
Communicate your needs and boundaries
Let’s say perception is reality, your effort isn’t being matched, and perhaps you have been excusing it for too long. Life gets busy, and you may have picked up the slack to keep a connection going. This becomes problematic as it may create an ongoing environment for your partner to settle into doing less. Additionally, you may fall into the trap of betting on their potential to one day put in the same effort as you.
There is a way to cut through a lack of mutual effort, which is healthy communication of your needs. Being a mind reader is tough, but once an expectation is set it helps both people know how to give and receive love.
Boundaries are also important here in terms of what is unacceptable. By a certain time, if they haven’t shown up for you on planning dates with multiple chances, it may be time to reassess continuing.
Knowledge is power - attachment styles
Lastly, check your attachment styles, there is no right or wrong, but knowing them is very helpful. An avoidant will still plan dates while seeking space, and needing more time to evolve the relationship. Whereas an anxious individual will seek validation on a more consistent basis and move quickly. Working together is key as the effort here would be on creating a dynamic that works and is understood.
Those are the ins for 2024, now put yourself out there IRL and show some effort!
